The Down of Running

I feel like I have been in that dream where I am running but not going anywhere, that the fear I am trying to distance myself from is only bound to catch me, and theres not one thing I can do about it.

6 years ago, If I was to know the person I am today I would be in disbelief and shock that I gave up so many dreams, goals. Mostly I would be disappointed in myself. But if I was able to tell myself of all those instances that lead me here I would hope that the younger me would see why the fear has always caught me, even when I was running.

I don't talk about running now. I actually hate talking about it, I even actually dread when I see someone I know in the running community. When I see a running post on social media I scroll so fast past it I think my pointer finger has whiplash. But what I fear the most is "Have you been running?" "Hows your training going?" "What races do you have planned?". Those questions I can live with out. But how did I get here? From living, loving the life style of being a runner to being "okay" that I haven't ran in months. How did I go from being a sponsored competitive athlete to not even remembering the last time I wore running shoes.

I am not injured, but I am beyond broken. When little jabs in life happen, they add up and have mentally killed my love for running. I used this blog in the past as a race recap, to tell in detail my feelings and emotions throughout a race. I am hoping to make some break through to why those instances, those jabs, made me hate to run and work through them to find myself and my love for running again.

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Worlds End Ultra 50k

If you don't look off to the sides, bears aren't there. If you don't focus so much on the trail infront of you, you don't see snakes... Maybe that noise I just heard was just some other runner falling into rubbish or maybe it's a bear? Well no bear and no snakes sights during this event, which is a win in my eyes! World's End Ultra Marathon. Location: Worlds End State Park, Pennsylvania Distance: 50k Elevation gain: 6200+ft Course conditions: Wet, Mud Nutrition: 2 liters water, 4 oz coke. Looking back at all the ultra marathons I have ran (over 30 finishes) closer to over 40 If you want to count the few DNFs and a few distance switches. Besides the point, out of 30+ ultras I have ran, Worlds End is the toughest, most challenging course I have come across for the 50k distance, and to make the race even more brutal, we ran it in a heat wave. Rewind to 2 weeks prior. I got an email that my name was selected off the waitlist to be a participant. I ...

Skidaway Island Marathon

Since I ended up getting sick at Caumsett 50k earlier this month I felt like I should jump into another race since I was/am "race ready" I put in the work so I might as well do a race to see where I stand. Skidaway Island Marathon fell on March 26th, which was a good weekend for me to have a race. I didn't really have a goal in mind for this marathon, other than to have a good race. I thought I may be able to get 3:10/3:15 after hearing the horror stories of how humid/hot and the amount of winding turns being made on course. Weather was calling for thunderstorms, lightening and heavy rain. Yay!! Luckily I wasn't raining at the start. I started out slower than I typically would for a road marathon- which was a good move on my part, I didn't look at my watch from mile 1 to until I reached the half marathon point. I just ran comfortably chatting along with a few other runners. The course was marked very well- and was it a very zig-zagy course for sure! I'm not ...

RH Armadillo Broil 50k

Training. Or lack of. I took a few months off of running due to a nagging injury... Also, moving to Savannah I was swamped with lack of time and finding a job etc... I decided that I would have to save Leadville Trail 100 for next year, and shoot for a 50k to keep my mind preoccupied. Armadillo Broil 50k is Richmond Hill GA first Ultra taking place at JF Gregory Park. 3.1 mile loop, mostly paved "trail" and about a mile dirt trail, flat as can be expected for running in the Savannah area. Shade for most of the trail minus the start/finish area. Weather that day was high 80* with a heat index of 112* due to the humidity. Parts of the trail were muggier than others. Race was very well organized, there was a 25k option and 50k option. Great race for runners looking for a long training run for upcoming fall marathons and also great ultra for anyone looking to run their first 50k, my advice, run in the heat to get use to the humidity and also practice nutrition during your long r...

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